People who are intimidated often feel pressured to act so upsetting.

Key points

• People who harass others usually do so in relationships where they are in close proximity.
• The stalking is often intrusive, which means that it is very difficult for the stalker to stop his behavior.
• Relationship satisfaction is diminished by frequent grumbling, whether professional or personal.

Few personality types upset others as much as annoying personalities. Established definitions of “harassment” refer to a person who regularly scolds, complains, or nags another person.

When a person complains about someone who is periodically stalking them, the complaints usually refer to the stalker being a dating partner, parent, or boss.

The common denominators of all three of these relationships include intimacy and relationship dynamics that have an addiction, which means the relationship is difficult to break up or leave.

What is the general orientation of the nagging personality?

The throbbing personality is not described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5; American Psychiatric Association). However, the intrusive character overlaps in part with passive-aggressive personality disorder, a personality disorder that existed in previous editions of the DSM.

Previously, the passive-aggressive person was also referred to in the textbook as a negativist person, and anyone who regularly interacts with the annoying person knows firsthand how negativistic such people can be.

In addition to the passive-aggressive or negativistic personality type, stubborn personalities can also be obsessive, which means they seem to be focused on the activities of others.

Picky individuals can look much the same as people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in the sense that the stalker has a thought they are stuck in (obsession) and then behaves (harassment). , compulsion) to reduce obsessive anxiety. The thought provokes. For example, a husband can’t help but wonder if his wife has made a particular date for them (obsession), and he continues to grumble (coercion) until that happens.

While such subjective personality traits are difficult to explore and categorize, it is reasonable to assume that the intrusive personality includes passive-aggressive and obsessive-compulsive elements.

The influence of the annoying personality on loved ones

The previously established primary definition of harassment was general criticism or flaw detection, and it is also essential to consider the second definition: a constant source of anxiety or irritation.

The second definition briefly explains the effect that annoying individuals have on others. Simply put, people who are bullied feel anxious and annoyed.

Harassment is a type of negative communication in relationships, and cross-sectional studies of romantic relationships, in particular, consistently show that distressed couples exhibit more negative communication behaviors than relatively satisfied couples (Bradbury & Karney, 2013).

Related: When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly!

Motives of the annoying personality

First, it is a delusion that stalkers pursue because they love the art of stalking. For the record, the patients I have worked with who have had trouble whining are not satisfied with harassing her.

In fact, patients shared that they thought it was a curse to carry the burden of worrying and worrying about things, big and small. So what are the main motives?

1. Stalkers are stalked in part because of mood problems.

Their mood is “off” in common parlance, while the clinical term is “deregulated.” The grunt, at its core, cannot feel calm on its own at any given time and feels unable to “sit with” or deal with negative feelings. The nagger may, among other things, handle anxiety, fear, depression, or frustration.

The task or object on which they are focused (for example, whether an appointment is made) functions as a vector or vehicle for generating negative feelings.

2. The Naggers have what is clinically called a high need structure.

While most people admit that uncertainty and some level of the disorder are inevitable in everyday life (for example, eventually the laundry will be over, life will not end if the garden is not mowed today. ‘Hui), stubborn people find it difficult to accept reality. These people have a higher high structure of needs, which means that they need their immediate environment to feel highly orderly and predictable.

People often misunderstand the motives of the annoying personality, believing that the stalker wants to control them or always seems to overcome the need for power. Still, the stalker comes from a deep-seated fear that their world might spiral out of control if every detail is not very neat.

Thus, the root of the intrusive personality is usually a mixture of a mood problem and a need for order. Their inner world – what is happening in their mind and the world around them – often seems unmanageable and disordered.

How to deal more effectively with the annoying person

Given such a pervasive and distorted personality basis, what is the most effective way to deal with the intrusive personality?

1. Find your own space when the persecutor’s mood is most deregulated.

When negative feelings trigger a nagging person, their failure will often be to find something that can reduce the intensity of the negative emotions they are experiencing. If you can get out of the situation, the stalker will not be able to use you as a target to let go of his negative feelings.

2. Exchange a few words instead of arguing.

Do not enter into a full-fledged conversation with the stalker when he begins to chase you; share a few short words that will draw a clear and firm line. Say, “I’m going to talk to you about this right before dinner, I promise you, but I’m not going to talk about it now.”

If they keep pushing you to participate, repeat the same; sooner or later, they will run out and stop if you keep drawing the same hard border without fixing it. (This technique is an example of the law of learning and behavior called “extinction.”) If the intrusive person is the boss, temporarily turn to his narcissism by obeying.

3. If the annoying person is a romantic partner, regularly bring up counseling for couples when both of you are in a relaxed mood.

Rather than suggesting something intimidating, like a year of intensive care for couples, suggest two or three sessions work on a few minor issues. When offering therapy, be positive and hopeful about it.

After all, the annoying personality can be very upsetting to others but can be dealt with more effectively by regularly practicing the techniques described here and avoiding emotional involvement when the annoying person takes over.