The consequence of forgiving others is that you increase your worth and your individuality.

Key points

• When others treat us unfairly, we can become angry, anxious, and depressed.
• Forgiving others who have been unfair not only reduces negative emotions but also increases positive feelings and thoughts about oneself.
• Forgiveness can improve your ability to trust others in general and improve your personality.

Over the past 30 years, research into the psychology of forgiveness has shown that those who forgive can heal psychological and physical problems such as resentment, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and even heart blood flow restriction.

Less well-known and discussed in the psychological literature: By deeply forgiving others, taking the time to understand the other’s mistakes, feeling compassion for the other, and being kind to the one who offended, you can correct your mistake. humanity to become stronger and better. Let’s look at four aspects of your human growth after you have walked the path of forgiveness.

1. Increase positive emotions about yourself

When others treat us unfairly, we tend to believe the lies that others tell or insinuate about us in the context of injustice. When people put you down, you can end up internalizing their message and start having negative feelings about yourself that are completely unfounded.

When you show kindness to the offender, the paradox is that kindness begins to grow towards yourself. Your feelings about yourself range from subtle negativity or intense self-hatred to self-kindness in the form of increased self-esteem.

We saw this, for example, in a study of incest survivors who came to us with self-loathing (Freedman & Enright, 1996). As they disregarded, they began to realize that they had accomplished nothing wrong. Their negative feelings were the result of an inner turmoil that they had all struggled with for years. They have regained a positive attitude toward themselves.

Related: Understanding the Human Psychology: A Comprehensive Guide

2. Cognitive understanding of self-esteem as a person

When people are victims of deep injustice, we tend to condemn those who acted unjustly. The tendency is to define the other person primarily through unfair actions. Conclusion: This attacker is not a valuable person.

Often, as a subconscious thought, the victim draws the same conclusion: I am not a valuable person either. If I had, this would never have happened to me. When people forgive, they work (sometimes for months because it’s a struggle) to see the offender’s inherent (built-in) value that cannot be earned or taken away even by bad behavior.

The fact is that every person on this earth is unique and therefore irreplaceable. This type of thought offered to the criminal, then leads to a direct application of this idea to himself. If all people are unique, irreplaceable, and therefore special, then I have inherent value. This idea can open the eyes of those who have lived with low self-esteem for a long time.

3. Increased ability to trust important relationships

When trust is undermined by the actions of one person, such as a former partner, it can be so destructive that the victim spreads distrust to everyone, including potential future partners. “No one can be trusted” evolves into a typical belief.

When people forgive, they realize that forgiveness is an important defense against excessive negative emotions that can give them the courage to try new relationships (knowing that if that doesn’t work, forgiveness can be a strong defense).

In this way, forgiveness can restore a shared sense of trust, not necessarily towards an unrepentant former partner, allowing for a mutually acceptable future relationship with a new partner.

We saw this in one of the studies in which adult children of alcoholics forgave a drunk parent. Adult children, seeing the strained relationship between mother and father, had a damaged sense of trust. Their forgiveness led to a significant improvement in the quality of their relationships with others.

4. A more positive identity: who am I?

When people are treated very badly by other people, they can fall into a new negative identity such as “I am a victim”. These words can become the basis of a generalized identity that tends to dominate a person’s thoughts.

A man defines himself as a victim who has been (and always will be) treated unfairly. In a study by Reid and Enright (2006), when emotionally abused women forgave their ex-partner, they experienced a statistically significant shift in their identity from being a “victim” to a more positive self-perception.

As someone once told me, “When I forgave, I went from victim to survivor and prospered.” This is a major reconstruction of his personality.

Summary

I hope you understand that forgiveness is important as an empirically proven way to reduce negative psychological qualities such as anger, anxiety, and depression. The beauty of forgiveness, when a person does it without pressure from others, is that he can put back the damaged parts of his humanity.

Negative feelings of self-loathing can turn into genuine self-love. The hidden thought that “I am an innate value person” may reappear (or arise for the first time) when the forgiver first offers this idea of value to the offender.

The barrier of distrust in others can be overcome because the forgiving person sees that trust is possible, and even if the next relationship doesn’t work out, the person can forgive and protect themselves. Finally, forgiving people can restore their sense of who they are as human beings.

They can drop the stereotype that they are just victims, but rather people who can thrive. All this testifies to the restructuring of a broken humanity, which is now turning into a whole, healthy person with positive characteristics.